Your Fear is Holding You Back

Hey, lovely people let’s talk about fear, specifically the fear of public failure. There are a lot of people who are afraid of being embarrassed in public. I think honestly that's actually one of the most normal fears that somebody could have, whether or not it stems from childhood, coupled with the fear of rejection. Like it's a thing that many people go through especially many creative individuals, trust and believe.

Now, I also know that the fear of failure essentially comes from two places, one having failed potentially in the past and saying? "I'm not going through that again." Or actually observing other persons who failed in the past and saying "I’m not signing up for anything like that, because the repercussions that came with their alleged failure was crazy". Definitely not encouraging or enticing, right? I want you to know, that your feelings are valid and that there is no shame in feeling them. However, I will say that your fear of failure and which tends to kind of be at the root or nicely coupled with your imposter syndrome and your fear of rejection, works together to keep us crippled.

There will come a point as a business owner, especially an online business owner where you're gonna say, it’s either I'm going to keep on being held back and running around in circles, earning a lot less than I know I'm worth. Waking up and going to sleep with regret, feelings of frustration and feeling burnt out or figure out a way to circumvent those feelings so that I can still feel them, since it is normal, but not be controlled or overpowered by them.

I always tell my clients this, you will always be afraid of something. There will always be some element of doubt or negativity in your mind that is going to try and take root in your mind or in your life. However, you have the power to overcome all of that and make sure that you don't succumb to whatever comes with those thoughts. For example, it was always stated that Michael Jackson, before every performance, no matter how amazing he was, experienced nervousness and those nerves would come from the insecurities he had. And we uncovered that he did have quite a number but that didn't stop him from going out on that stage and putting on a hell of a show. That didn't stop him from becoming one of the greatest entertainers of all time, right?

We need to understand exactly how we are going to channel the energy that comes from those nerves or doubts. Interestingly, that's something that creatives, especially singers, dancers and musicians learn to channel. Some of you might know, some of you might not, I actually sing and I've been singing from the age of four. And I can tell you that up to at least seven years ago, I would have anxiety attacks before going on the stage singing. Because I had my insecurities and then on top of that, this is getting in front of people and doing something outside of talking. You can crack or go off key. And even in terms of a dancer or a musician, you can do the wrong move or play the wrong note. There's just so many things that can happen when you're out on that stage. But should that stop us from getting on that stage?

Does that stop us from, from deciding to put our minds to the test and say, "Hey, we're going to put our best foot forward and put on a beautiful performance and whoever appreciates it cool, whoever doesn't then big up themselves.” It takes some level of stick-to-itiveness, bravery, courage and just that feeling of wanting to give your very best to the passion or the thing that really drives or motivates you. Especially for Christian singers, dancers and musicians, we understand that as much as we have our talents and we're nurturing it by practicing it. We are literally singing, dancing and playing unto the glory of God. As this is how, we offer our praise and worship to Him, through the use of our temple.

In similar fashion, as business owners, it comes down to realizing what drives you and understanding what really is your "why" and making sure that you stay aligned with that. So that you can look beyond your fears or doubts and step past it. I normally tell my clients to document it so that they are aware of the roots or triggers that is causing them to feel this way then documenting it. Acknowledging it for what it is and say, "I'm consciously going to work on you so that you can’t surprise me anymore. I know you're there and I'm going to put things in place to, to safe guard my mind, my emotions and my everything so that I can still function, even when I am feeling so much fear and doubt.”

You literally have the power to take that step and say, "I'm going to be moving forward. I'm going to be doing good for myself and even if I feel like something might go wrong or I might fail, or there might be some form of embarrassment, then it’s cool. Let it be that I am aware of that and I choose to step out, even with that knowledge". And I understand that even if some level of failure takes place, I will turn that and into a stepping stone towards my destination and greatness. And fine it all sounds so cliché. We've seen so many memes and so many inspirational posts with things that sound like this, but we need to bridge the gap between reading those nice, cute words, and actually putting these things in place so that we can continue to be consistently motivated in our business.

So, you see your fear of failure, rejection, the imposter syndrome that has you locked up in a corner and causing you to keep yourself playing small is happening because you are giving it power. But you have the power to take it back and step forward purposefully and understanding who you are at the core and where you need to improve. This helps safeguard every single step you take, while minimizing the potential for failure and even if you do fail it won't be the end of you. Because you would have acknowledged your triggers and recognized that you need to replace that with truth and positivity about yourself.

I'm not talking from a place of standing from 50 miles away and pointing my long finger. I am talking from my own personal experience that I’ve had between last year and this year, with five failed public launches. And I had to keep on getting back up and say, “You know what, even if people saw that I was promoting this and my energy shows that I did not get a client, I'm going to keep going because I'm going to keep on learning.” That's the other thing, when we actually fail or fall short, and don't learn from it that actually gives over to the fear of failure and rejection. As we inadvertently put ourselves back in the same position to then to fail in the very same way that we failed before.

Ever heard the term "fail forward", this means that we need to make sure that we're learning the lessons consistently so that we don't repeat them, or even if we end up repeating them, it's not like a never-ending cycle, cause that's not cute. I've recognized along this journey that I have a serious fear of rejection, but I’ve also recognized that, it's either, I'm going to keep on playing small because of that fear of rejection and not pitch to people and not even step out and build relationships because of fear of whether or not people will like me, or recognize that, my methods, mindset and brand, deserves airtime.

On top of that, I have a deeper desire to help persons to self-actualize. So why rob all of that, because of the fear of failure and rejection, when there are so many persons who would benefit from me, deciding to get over myself and step out and get things done so that they can in return get things done. As service-based providers, we need to circumvent our different fears and remember that it is bigger than us, as much as it started with us in terms of the business idea and our offers. We need to recognize that what we have to offer can provide true transformation for people. I had to buy into this and change my mindset. This helped me to get the type of energy that was required to land the high-ticket clients.

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